Life Lesson 2: Hot new fashion = Clones!

So like, totally welcome, this just in – the hottest thing this season? CONFORMISTS!

Now listen here fuckbags – I am not some retard who wants to do what you do. Dress how you dress. Talk like you talk. In fact, I want to stay as far away from you as possible… but people like you just keep popping up everywhere.

Don’t you conformist spastics ever get tired of “being different” while you are ALL the same? Your stupid attitude and pathetic attempt at a personality only scream for love and attention.

No one, but you, thinks you’re kingshit.. so stop strutting around with a massive smile on your face (unless you really are pleased with the person you are – and in that case – you are legally insane.)

Fuck.

Could I stress the point any more – you people are repulsive, a waste of oxygen, and a disgrace to everything we strive for – you may now return to underneath the rock where you were born.

Life Lesson Number 1: Enough is Enough.

Helloooo kiddies,

Today’s lesson is on alcohol… say it with me now, A-L-C-O-H-O-L. The cheap vs expensive/bottle or can?/clear or red/4.8% vs 37%??? All in the name of fun? I don’t know about most people, but i see the need for over-usage of the “social lubricant” to be the complete opposite of what its cracked up to be. Wake up the next day and not remember a thing? Open your mouth and say something unforgivable in a drunken stupor? Become “that” person?

Now, perhaps alcohol abstinence is the key! But if you had been reading properly you would have noticed the careful placement of the word “over-usage” meaning; knowing what you are doing is going to result in something bad but just not caring and thus drinking what you know is too much. If you don’t care – who else does? Everyone who is going to end up taking care of you and one day these people are just going to cease to exist.

Wondering what brought this blog on? Apart from the need to write something of actual interest rather than rambling on and on? An email from my dad, from the other side of the world, asking how much I had “honestly” drank when I slept at a friends house (which was sent a fair while ago but i just rarely check my emails.) My answer – the honest truth – I don’t need alcohol to have fun, I would rather be having fun and drinking water. Which, boo friggity hoo, doesn’t mean I’m straight edge because, yeah I do drink, I just learn from mistakes rather than make them bigger.

Remember kids: Alcohol is a depressant whereas water is not, alcohol takes time to burn off and so food gets stored as fat (so the 5 kilos you put on last weekend are just because you drink wayyyy to much) and alcohol inevitably dehydrates you and water, evidently, does not. So I guess water comes out on top. H2O all the way bitches.